what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
