Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
