you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She told me I should be a condom model.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
