I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
