I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
