we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
