here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
