Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I cut my penus on the lid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am one with the molecules
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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