1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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