talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
don't judge my taste in strippers
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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