I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
