Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
