Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
