i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
