Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
