i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
