the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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