she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
