there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
