all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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