I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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