Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
