the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
