I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
