Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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