Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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