I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
