He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
