I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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