He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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