Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
