Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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