remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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