the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she told me i tasted like america
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
