saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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