I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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