Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
