She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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