my mouth tastes like poor choices
Life is so much better after having sex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
