handjob tips. give me some.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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