I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
