i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
