If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
being pregnant is like rehab
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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