No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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