She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
