The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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