Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
