So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
