I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Someone signed my nipple.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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