Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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