Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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