i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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