I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
