I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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