Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
