So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
