Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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