what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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