My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
