Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
