i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
