...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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