Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
