I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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