he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
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Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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