when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
