I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
