Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
