He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
