She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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